


Confused

by Losversclub



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Coming Out, Gay Will Byers, M/M, Sad Will Byers, Will Byers Loves Mike Wheeler, byler, he just doesn't know it, will byers is confused, will is questioning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-24
Updated: 2018-08-24
Packaged: 2019-07-02 00:57:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15785685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Losversclub/pseuds/Losversclub
Summary: Will Byers can't look at girls the same way his friends do.This leaves Will to be completely and utterly confused.





	Confused

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This was a request I got on my Tumblr @ rosecoloredfinn and decided to post on here. This is my first time actually posting anything I've written. If you would like to give constructive criticism it would be appreciated. Enjoy!

Will Byers was confused.

He had been confused for a few months now. Will was different than the other boys at Hawkins Middle School but Will didn’t fully understand why he was. Yeah, he knew people talked about the way he dressed and made fun of the way he carried himself, but that still didn’t make Will understand why he was so different.

Maybe it was because Will didn’t catch himself looking at girls. No, he caught himself looking at boys.

Will liked the way Tyler, from his science class, looked when he concentrated on writing his paper. His eyebrows furrowed causing there to be a wrinkle in between his eyebrows. Tyler would tap his pencil on the desk sometimes causing the other students to tell him to stop. No matter how hard Will tried to deny it, he found it cute. Sometimes, Tyler even caught Will staring at him which resulted in Will to quickly turn his head back to look at his paper with a blush rising up to his cheeks. Once, Will even got partnered up with him on a science project. Everytime he tried to explain something to him he would stutter which would cause Will to become even more embarrassed.

_(Oh, god, can I please interact with him like a normal human?)_

What confused Will the most though was when he was with Mike Wheeler. Because when Will was with Mike he felt everything he felt with Tyler but upped by 100. Will couldn’t help but stare at how Mike laughed when Dustin made a witty comment. With his top teeth on display, taking sharp intakes of breath in between every laugh, he’d sometimes cover his mouth to try and calm down his laughter. God, it was even better when Will was the one making Mike laugh. It made him feel like his heart would jump out of his chest at any second. And oh, did Will turn as red as a cherry when Mike took off his headphones of his walkman and placed them over Will’s ears. _“Look, listen to this song. I thought you’d like it,”_ And Will always did.

_(He’s so cute)_

_(Wait! What? Why am I thinking this about Mike?)_

Will was completely and utterly lost. Because sometimes Lucas would bring up how cute the girl across the lunch room is, or Dustin would talk about how he felt when he accidentally brushed his hand against Stacy’s hand and how he felt “sparks.” Which Will thought was extremely cheesy. But when Will really thought about it, he didn’t feel any of that with any girls. He tried to. When he let Stacy borrow his pencil in math class and their fingers accidentally brushed each other he didn’t feel the “sparks.” Not even a tingle. Nothing. He tried to think like his friends. He was talking to Tessa during recess and tried to imagine holding her hand and being able to call her “girlfriend” but he couldn’t. It didn’t feel right, like his hand wasn’t meant to be in a girls hand and the part of calling someone his girlfriend didn’t sit right with him.

He didn’t feel sparks when he touched a girls hand, he didn't feel his heart flutter when he made a girl laugh, he didn’t feel his face burning up when he talked to girls. When he really thought about it he never remembered having a crush on any girls at all.

He felt the sparks when Mike wrapped his arm around Will’s shoulder. He could feel his heart flutter when Mike would be talking to him and he’d brush his hair back. He could feel his face burn up when Mike offered him some of his favorite chips at lunch.

He could only feel these things with boys and that terrified him.

Will had heard of the word “queer.” Troy had called him that plenty of times as a way to hurt him. He always denied it saying it wasn’t true because he thought more people would make fun of him. Being gay wasn’t something good, at least that’s what Will thinks. When Troy said it he said it like it was the worst thing in the world. The word came out of Troy’s mouth like it even disgusted him to say it. Sometimes Mike would defend him and would say _“How is being queer an insult? Huh, Troy?”_ Which only caused Troy to call Mike a queer too and make fun of how he was “defending his boyfriend.” But Mike’s words made Will even more confused. Was being gay actually bad? Or is it okay?

For months Will felt lost. He didn’t know who he was, he didn’t understand his feelings, he didn’t know what was right from wrong. He could barely sleep at night because all he could do was question himself. And the party could tell something was off with him. They noticed the bags under his eyes, how he seemed to always be spacing out, and how he didn’t make his usual jokes at lunch. They were worried about him but whenever Mike asked Will if he was okay Will would respond with “I’m fine.” Which the party all knew was a lie. They wanted to keep pushing at the subject but decided to let it go knowing that eventually Will would tell them what was wrong.

One night, Will went to sleep with the questions in his head again. _What am I? Why don’t I like girls? Am I really gay? Why do I feel my heart race when Mike compliments my outfit?_

That night Will broke. He cried and cried and cried. He let everything build up inside of him for so long that his body just couldn’t handle it anymore. It felt like his problems were tumbling on top of him and weighing him down further and further into his bed. He could think of nothing else but the questions. He shoved his face into his pillow to try and stop his sobs, hoping that maybe his pillow could tell him what to do, but all the pillow did was soak up his tears. He felt disgusting. Thinking, _why can’t I be normal?_ But Will didn’t even truly understand what normal was. _Is there even such a thing as normal?_

Will had to think of how to solve this.

_(Who do I tell? Mike? I don’t know. What if he was just lying when he was defending me against Troy? What if he only said that to make me feel better?)_

So Will thought of the person he trusted the most. His mom. That night, Will fell asleep with dried up tears on his cheeks but with a small amount of hope in his heart that maybe his mom will help him understand what is wrong.

____

It was 1pm on a Saturday and Will Byers felt dreadful. He couldn’t control the churning feeling in his stomach and the feeling that he was going to be sick. He walked down the stairs to go and find Joyce and with every step he took he felt more and more anxious. He went to the kitchen hoping to find Joyce there and she was. “Good afternoon, sweetie. Why’d you sleep in so late?” Joyce spoke in a soft tone and looked away from her book to look at Will. He looked exhausted causing Joyce to immediately become alert. She had never seen her son like this, with dark circles under his eyes, pale faced, shaking hands. She closed her book and placed it on the table.

“Will, is something wrong? Are you feeling sick?”

“I-I-” Will stuttered but sighed afterwards knowing that he had to calm down before speaking to her. He hesitantly walked towards the kitchen table, the floorboards creaking with each step he took, and took a seat next to Joyce. Every move he made sounded so loud but he felt like his heartbeat was louder. “M-mom I don’t know how to say this.” he shakily exhaled. Joyce put her hand over Will’s hand that was resting on the table “Will, you know you can tell me anything, right? You can always trust me.” She gave a reassuring smile.

“I just don’t want you to h-hate me. I-I don’t want to be a disappointment,” He said, slightly ashamed. He couldn’t even look at Joyce in the eyes, knowing that what he was going to tell her would only disappoint her. “Sweetie, I could never hate you,” she said surprised, “You are my son. Never think that I would or could ever hate you, okay?” she spoke softly, slightly calming down Will.

Will took a deep breath, “Mom, lately I've been confused,” he shifted around in his chair still not being able to meet Joyce’s eyes, “b-because I don’t look at girls the same way everyone at school does.” Joyce furrowed her eyebrows, “What do you mean?”

Will closed his eyes trying to hold back his tears. “I c-can’t feel anything towards them, I don’t like them like that, mom. I can’t make myself have a crush on them and I don’t know why,” at that point Will had given up trying to hold back his tears and he let them flow down his face. “But with Mike-” He choked on a sob and took in a sharp breath. It was difficult to continue, it was too hard to think that Joyce would hate him if he kept going. “Isn’t feeling this way about boys wrong? I’m so confused.” He said, leaning his head on his hand.

Joyce took Will’s hand and gently said “Will, have you ever thought that maybe you don’t feel anything with girls because you only like boys? That maybe you’re gay?” Will finally looked into his mother’s eyes, surprised that she wasn’t screaming at him to pack his things and leave, surprised that she didn’t have a hint of anger on her face. When he looked into her eyes all he saw was an understanding look. “W-what? But, mom, isn’t being gay… wrong?” Joyce stared into Will’s tear filled eyes and shook her head, “No Will, whoever put that idea in your brain is wrong. Everyone should be able to love who they love, _okay_? Honey, if you like boys it’s okay. You’re still my son and I still love you. You will always be Will to me, no matter what your sexuality is.”

“It’s just that-” Will considered not saying it but decided against it, “Troy’s always calls me gay in an insulting way. I just thought that because he’s using it that way that it was bad. But then sometimes Mike would defend me and say it’s not even a bad thing and I just… didn't know.” Joyce sat forward and said “Don’t listen to him, Will. That Troy kid is the definition of ignorant and you shouldn’t believe a word he says to you. You being you is good, Will. Don’t let anyone tell you you’re any less just because of who you like.”

Will couldn’t help but feel grateful for Joyce, for helping him lift the weight off his shoulders that had been weighing him down for months. He wiped his tears and smiled at Joyce and leaned forward to give his mother a hug. “Thank you so much, mom, I love you” Joyce hugged her son back and chuckled. “I love you, too.” Joyce pulled away from the hug, and smiled at Will.

“Now, what was it that you were going to say about Mike?”

____

That night, Will went to sleep with a smile on his face. The first real one he had in months. And as he laid staring up at his white ceiling he only had one more question.

_(How am I going to tell the party?)_

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! if you want to follow my other social media here it is:  
> tumblr: rosecoloredfinn  
> twitter: rosecoloredfinn


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